Conspiracy, Bribery & Electrical Goods

Welcome to the good ole U.S.S of A. comrade! That’s right, the good old United Soviet States of America! And congratulations on new job as Senior Acquisition Officer for our range of Patriot Toasters!

Here in U.S.S.A we practise communistic capitalism – we all make as much money as possible, but it all goes to the state! Confused comrade? Don’t worry we all are… but I, the controller, am here to help you in your new job!

You have been placed in charge of buying state manufactured goods that our citizen run shops are mandated to buy from you. Your job is simple comrade – make as much money as you can!

But I have a little bad news for y’all. I see you look around table wondering who are other people at your induction meeting. Ah, this is sad to tell you but the state policy is hire numerous people for same job. Efficiency! But don’t worry - if after trial period you have made most money you will be declared winner and the job is yours alone! Of course if you fail it is back to the state camp for consumer re-education…

Anyway the job – you will bid on, and hopefully buy, the goods from the manufacturing plants that can be made into fine, or not so fine, toasters. But these goods comrade, they need some processing before they can be sold to shops. And this is where I, your friend the controller, comes in. I run the state processing plant that will take those simple parts and components and make them into finest bread heating devices this side of the Mississippi!

The processing plant can be configured to be more efficient in processing certain grades of goods. What’s that comrade, you’d like me to configure it to help you with your purchases? Well strictly speaking such a thing isn’t allowed, and I’m shocked you brought it up, but seeing as we have become such good friends maybe I can help you out. For a little cash donation that is…

But remember comrade this a collective free market! I can’t show any favouritism between you and your competitors, so make sure your brib- I mean generous donation, is more generous than those other cheap skates, and I can set things up just how you like them. And if you need workers do some overtime, or maybe hold back the delivery trucks to mess with a competitors cash flow, these things can be arranged comrade…

How much will you get paid by the shops for your completed toasters you ask? Well that is up to how the pricing committee votes on the matter. But by happy fortune you and your competitors are pricing committee! Efficiency! What’s that you say? Sounds a little corrupt? How very un-Soviet American of you comrade! I’m sure you and your competitors have the peoples best interest at heart and would never manipulate pricing for own personal gain…

Now one more little thing – sometimes to beat bear, we must team up with other bear; like bear-man wrestling tag team, yes? You look a little confused… I explain: sometimes we work with competitor to beat other competitors? Yes? So… maybe you sell some share in set of goods to competitor, raise some money for bidding, and also maybe now competitor have investment in particular goods they vote a little more friendly in pricing committee, eh? Just make sure you get better part of deal comrade!

Well that is it comrade, it’s time to start buying and selling toasters like your life depended on it; which, let’s face it, it probably does. Best of luck to you, and don’t y’all be stranger to old friend the controller and his retirement, I mean workers collective donation fund!

See some images of the game here.